


this surely wont devolve into chaos, right?

by RiversAndRoses



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Memes, Post-Episode s05e29-32 Change Your Mind, Rated T for swearing, Steven Speed Runs Puberty, Vines, unedited and just pure chaos, vine references
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:46:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22500112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RiversAndRoses/pseuds/RiversAndRoses
Summary: Steven creates a groupchat for the Crystal Gems, goes as well as you think it does
Comments: 43
Kudos: 123





	1. *insert vine reference here*

**Author's Note:**

> yes i wrote this instead of working on my other fics, but i have the next chapter of with my head high done and waiting to be edited
> 
> the ralph did you eat my tater tots vine is one of my favorites and honestly an underrated classic
> 
> by the end of the chapter the characters users are:  
> See You Space Cowboy (since he used this one for most of it)/LOOK AT THIS GRAAAAPH: steven  
> Hi Welcome To Chilis: connie  
> Ralph Did You Eat My Tater Tots?: peridot  
> I SMELL LIKE BEEF: amethyst  
> What The Fuck, Richard: lapis  
> I Want To Be A Cowboy, Baby: garnet  
> Road Work Ahead?:bismuth  
> I Sure Hope It Does: pearl

Steven has added 7 people to the chat

Steven has named the chat 💫 Crystal Gems 💫

Steven has given 7 users the moderator role

Steven has changed their display name to See You Space Cowboy

Connie has changed their display name to Hi Welcome To Chilis 

Peridot has changed their display name to Great and Lovable

Lapis has changed their display name to Bob

Pearl: Why are you all changing your names?

See You Space Cowboy: because it's fun

Bismuth has changed their display name to bismooth

Pearl: I don't really see the point?

Amethyst: lmaoo connie and steven have the best ones

Great and Lovable: agreed

Great and Lovable: wait actually

Great and Lovable has changed their display name to Ralph Did You Eat My Tater Tots?

Ralph Did You Eat My Tater Tots?: an underrated classic

Hi Welcome To Chilis: YESSSS

Hi Welcome To Chilis: wait I didnt know u knew about memes

Ralph Did You Eat My Tater Tots?: bold of you to assume I didnt

See You Space Cowboy: DKSJCJSJXJ

Bismooth: I'm a little confused here

Amethyst: earth culture, what the teens are into nowadays

Amethyst has changed their display name to I SMELL LIKE BEEF

I SMELL LIKE BEEF: lapis

I SMELL LIKE BEEF: join us

Bob: idk which one to do lmao

Bob: hold on

Bob has changed their display name to What The Fuck, Richard

Pearl: Lapis! Language

What The Fuck, Richard: chill it's just a vine reference 

What The Fuck, Richard: u can't tell me what to do

What The Fuck, Richard: shit fuckity fuck shit shit bitch ass dick

Hi Welcome To Chilis: lapis my parents are going to wonder what's making me laugh so hard bc I'm losing it

Garnet: lmao

Garnet: well there goes amethysts plan

I SMELL LIKE BEEF: what the fuck lapis

See You Space Cowboy: what plan?

I SMELL LIKE BEEF: ur dad said I wasnt allowed to swear around u until u were 16 but lapis decided to start swearing prematurely 

Pearl: I think Greg was joking

See You Space Cowboy: oh

See You Space Cowboy: I dont think he cares abt that anymore

See You Space Cowboy: the cool kids and lars swear all the time so its chill

See You Space Cowboy: oh stars I can Feel Pearl's anger and disappointment 

Bismooth: I'm not going to question anything anymore

Garnet has changed their display name to I Want To Be A Cowboy, Baby

See You Space Cowboy: wait

See You Space Cowboy: shit

Pearl: STEVEN

See You Space Cowboy: im almost 15

See You Space Cowboy: i just realized that mine isnt a vine reference

Ralph Did You Eat My Tater Tots?: i thought you knew that

See You Space Cowboy: i didnt!!!

See You Space Cowboy: now i need to find something else

I SMELL LIKE BEEF has changed Bismooth’s display name to Road Work Ahead?

I SMELL LIKE BEEF has changed Pearl’s display name to I Sure Hope It Does

Hi Welcome To Chillis: YES GOOD

See You Space Cowboy has changed their display name to LOOK AT THIS GRAAAAPH

I Sure Hope It Does: But Connie is still young!

Hi Welcome To Chillis: middle school never stopped people my age from swearing

Hi Welcome To Chillis: i dont do it bc im not too comfortable doing it yet

Hi Welcome To Chillis: im almost in high school, too so im bound to encounter more swearing

LOOK AT THIS GRAAAAPH: this one isnt as good but its still iconic

Ralph Did You Eat My Tater Tots?: f

Ralph Did You Eat My Tater Tots?: also, pearl, youve had your phone for how long now? How do you not know about memes

Ralph Did You Eat My Tater Tots?: i learned about them within a matter of days

I SMELL LIKE BEEF: she didnt know how to use it

Hi Welcome To Chillis: how does garnet know about them?

LOOK AT THIS GRAAAAPH: i shoed them to her

LOOK AT THIS GRAAAAPH: showed

Ralph Did You Eat My Tater Tots?: shoed

Hi Welcome To Chillis: shoed

I SMELL LIKE BEEF: shoed

What The Fuck, Richard: shoed

I Want To Be A Cowboy, Baby: shoed

LOOK AT THIS GRAAAAPH: im being attacked

I Want To Be A Cowboy, Baby: i like the cowboy ones

LOOK AT THIS GRAAAAPH: is it because ruby wanted to be one?

I Want To Be A Cowboy, Baby: ... 

I Want To Be A Cowboy, Baby: yes

LOOK AT THIS GRAAAAPH: valid, ily

What The Fuck, Richard has shared an [image](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/660976063991644200/672956044485459978/image0-20.jpg)

What The Fuck, Richard: soup

LOOK AT THIS GRAAAAPH: wonderful

Ralph Did You Eat My Tater Tots?: i love it

Ralph Did You Eat My Tater Tots? Has shared an [image](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/660976063991644200/672956044179406848/4405cbbf-d4d3-4659-9d85-459a5d538ae5.jpg)

Hi Welcome To Chillis: where are the kidneys robert

I SMELL LIKE BEEF: KJSDSAKJF ROBLOX? 

I SMELL LIKE BEEF: that shit be wild, where did you find that

Ralph Did You Eat My Tater Tots?: i dont even know what roblox is

LOOK AT THIS GRAAAAPH: WHAT

LOOK AT THIS GRAAAAPH: OK WE NEED TO PLAY IT

LOOK AT THIS GRAAAAPH: IM COMIN TO FIND U

Ralph Did You Eat My Tater Tots?: AAAAAAA

I Sure Hope It Does: I don't… understand the first one

Ralph Did You Eat My Tater Tots?: ur not really supposed to, i dont think?

What The Fuck, Richard has shared an [image](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/660976063991644200/672956087963484220/aa3.jpg)

What The Fuck, Richard: im really feeling this one

I Sure Hope It Does: I didn't know you slept lapis…

What The Fuck, Richard: sometimes

Hi Welcome To Chillis has shared an [image](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/660976063991644200/672956257228947456/2Q.png)

Hi Welcome To Chillis: @What The Fuck, Richard

What The Fuck, Richard: no

Road Work Ahead?: haha! I like that one

I SMELL LIKE BEEF: DOES IS BISMUTH SLEEP?

Road Work Ahead?: what? I just think its funny

What The Fuck, Richard: peri and i need to show u the best memes 

Ralph Did You Eat My Tater Tots?: AFTER I PLAY ROBLOX WITH STEVEN

What The Fuck, Richard: after she plays roblox with steven

_ That night at 2am _

I SMELL LIKE BEEF has shared an [image](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/500/628/3cd.png)

I SMELL LIKE BEEF: B̵̛̺͆̅͂̅Ę̵̥̮̹͇̿͂̏͜͝͠À̸͈̼̤̱͔N̷̞̺̑̌̕͜S̴̡̘̹̬͌̑̈̿͘

LOOK AT THIS GRAAAAPH: AKLSJAKLJDASJLF

I Sure Hope It Does: STEVEN GO TO BED


	2. Puberty???

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven's visits the diamonds, Bismuth gets The Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeet (also I posted this while watching a movie like a criminal)
> 
> LOOK AT THIS GRAAAAPH/puberty boy: steven  
> Hi Welcome To Chilis: connie  
> Ralph Did You Eat My Tater Tots?: peridot  
> I SMELL LIKE BEEF: amethyst  
> What The Fuck, Richard: lapis  
> I Want To Be A Cowboy, Baby: garnet  
> Road Work Ahead?:bismuth  
> I Sure Hope It Does: pearl

LOOK AT THIS GRAAAAPH: mmmm I have to go visit the diamonds today

I SMELL LIKE BEEF: show them memes

LOOK AT THIS GRAAAAPH: no!!!!!

I SMELL LIKE BEEF: why not?

LOOK AT THIS GRAAAAPH: do you want to hear yellow diamond say yeet? I would rather not see white dab, and blue? I dont want her quoting vines

What The Fuck, Richard: coward

LOOK AT THIS GRAAAAPH: i dont need that in my life lapis

LOOK AT THIS GRAAAAPH: anyways im going to tell them our idea!

I Sure Hope It Does: I'm sure they’ll like it!

I Sure Hope It Does: It gives gems who don't feel like they belong a place to stay!

I Sure Hope It Does: Do you have your speech ready?

LOOK AT THIS GRAAAAPH: yes, pearl, I do

~

LOOK AT THIS GRAAAAPH: THIS IS IT

LOOK AT THIS GRAAAAPH: THIS IS HOW I DIE

I Sure Hope It Does: STEVEN ARE YOU OKAY?

LOOK AT THIS GRAAAAPH: no I'm dead

LOOK AT THIS GRAAAAPH: I've ascended

I SMELL LIKE BEEF: chill dude why are you being so overdramatic

LOOK AT THIS GRAAAAPH: it's too embarrassing

LOOK AT THIS GRAAAAPH: my voice cracked

LOOK AT THIS GRAAAAPH: infromt of the diamonds

LOOK AT THIS GRAAAAPH: worse thing about it tho? 

LOOK AT THIS GRAAAAPH: we were broadcasting

I SMELL LIKE BEEF: SJAJSJANDJSJD F

I Sure Hope It Does: OH STARS STEVEN YOU NEARLY GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK.

I SMELL LIKE BEEF: our boy is growing up :,)

I SMELL LIKE BEEF has changed LOOK AT THIS GRAAAAPH's display name to puberty boy

puberty boy: >:(

I Want To Be A Cowboy, Baby: soon you will grow

What The Fuck, Richard: that sounds like a threat

I Want To Be A Cowboy, Baby: you will be tall

Ralph Did You Eat My Tater Tots?: as soon as you grow taller than me, I'm kicking you out of the shorty squad

puberty boy: but I created it

Ralph Did You Eat My Tater Tots?: too bad

puberty boy: i feel betrayed

Puberty boy: and vaguely threatened

puberty boy: also sorry pearl ily

Road Work Ahead?: puberty…?

Hi Welcome To Chillis: a human thing

Hi Welcome To Chillis: happens during the teen years, hormones and all of that

Hi Welcome To Chillis: maybe you’ll catch up to me, steven

Puberty boy: garnet said i was gonna grow

Road Work Ahead?: everything is confusing me nowadays

I Sure Hope It Does: Oh right… we still haven't explained much to you about humans. 

I Want To Be A Cowboy, Baby: should probably do that 

I SMELL LIKE BEEF: …. Lowkey just remembered that pearl was the tallest person here before the wedding (and before bismuth showed up)

I SMELL LIKE BEEF: i think its funny

I SMELL LIKE BEEF: like steven pointed up at the house, and we all thought he was talking about pearl when in reality he was talking about bismuth

I Sure Hope It Does: It felt like I was corralling a bunch of children.

Hi Welcome To Chillis: is bismuth getting The Talk

Hi Welcome To Chillis: wouldn't s human be better??

Puberty boy: I mean, pearl told me some things and then dad told me the stuff she couldn't answer

Puberty boy: hey bis, what Exactly are you confused about

Puberty boy: like,, how the body works??

Road Work Ahead?: I think just everything

Road Work Ahead?: how long have I been out of the bubble? 

I Want To Be A Cowboy, Baby: 5 months

I SMELL LIKE BEEF: oh yep, time for The Talk

Road Work Ahead: The… Talk?

Hi Welcome To Chillis: human slang for telling ur child about the reproductive system in humans and to be careful whenever ur doing the do and all of that

Hi Welcome To Chillis: sort of???

Hi Welcome To Chillis: my mom is a doctor and she gave me a much more detailed version than the one people with Normal parents get and what we would get in school

What The Fuck, Richard: f

What The Fuck, Richard: humans… are weird

Hi Welcome To Chillis: yep

I Sure Hope It Does: wait, Steven aren't you supposed to be doing your duties?

Puberty boy: ya

Puberty boy: I'm doing them dw

Puberty boy: they are boring

Puberty boy: gotta sit thru a bunch of meetings and explain why a certain thing is bad

Puberty boy: I am very tired

What The Fuck, Richard: can we get and f in the chat for steven?

Hi Welcome To Chillis: f

Ralph Did You Eat My Tater Tots?: f

I SMELL LIKE BEEF: f

What The Fuck, Richard: f

I Want To Be A Cowboy, Baby: f

Puberty boy: f 😔

I Sure Hope It does: I still don't understand your humor...

~

Road Work Ahead?: I think I understand humans less now


	3. bazinga?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bazinga....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bazinga
> 
> why do i keep on forgetting to do this alkjf  
> Hi Welcome To Chillis -> Bazinga: Connie  
> Puberty boy -> Bowel Movement: Steven  
> Ralph Did You Eat My Tater Tots? -> Bologna: Peridot  
> What The Fuck, Richard -> Bulgaria: Lapis  
> I SMELL LIKE BEEF -> Bronchitis: Amethyst  
> I Want To Be a Cowboy, Baby: Garnet  
> I Sure Hope It Does -> Probably Fucking Dead: Pearl  
> Road Work Ahead?: Bismuth

Hi Welcome To Chillis has changed their display name to Bazinga

Puberty boy has changed their display name to Bowel Movement

Ralph Did You Eat My Tater Tots? Has changed their display name to Bologna

What The Fuck, Richard has changed their display name to Bulgaria

I SMELL LIKE BEEF has changed their display name to Bronchitis

Bazinga: bazinga

Bowel Movement: bazinga

Bologna: bazinga

Bulgaria: bazinga

Bronchitis: bazinga

Bazinga: bazinga

Bowel Movement: bazinga

Bologna: bazinga

Bulgaria: bazinga

Bronchitis: bazinga

Bazinga: bazinga

Bowel Movement: bazinga

Bologna: bazinga

Bulgaria: bazinga

Bronchitis: bazinga

Bazinga: bazinga

Bowel Movement: bazinga

Bologna: bazinga

Bulgaria: bazinga

Bronchitis: bazinga

I Want To Be A Cowboy, Baby: …

I Want To Be A Cowboy Baby: why

Bologna: Peak Comedy

Bazinga: *insert laugh track here*

Bronchitis: *laugh track continues as i explain complicated science thing to dumb blonde who doesnt understand*

Bulgaria: im going to beat you to death

Bulgaria: before pearl says anything i am joking

Bowel Movement: i really hate this show actually

Bologna: it's a mediocre form of entertainment

I Sure Hope It Does: I have not seen the show you are referencing

Bulgaria: listen if peridot and I hate it, you'll hate it even more

Bronchitis: it's one of those hehe man smart women dumb, smart women use scientific term for sex with smart man whos obsessed with star war and anything that's considered nerdy

Bazinga: you did it, you described the show

Bazinga: my parents and I watched a single episode before it was banned from the house

Bowel Movement: and ur mom was right to do so

Bologna: we were only doing it ironically

I Want To Be A Cowboy, Baby: pearl dont

I Want To Be A Cowboy, Baby: I know your curious, but Do Not

Bronchitis: brb stealing Pearl's phone

I Sure Hope It Does: AMETHYST NO

I Sure Hope It Does: AMETHTISNCISNG

I Sure Hope It Does: djdjfjd

I Sure Hope It Does: fksofjcie

Bulgaria: oh my fucking god shes fucking dead

I Want To Be A Cowboy, Baby: I told her not to

Bologna has changed I Sure Hope It Does’s display name to Probably Fuckin Dead

Bologna: can we get an f in the chat for pearl

Road Work Ahead?: wait what? What happened

Bulgaria: SHES OKAY

Bulgaria: twas a joke, a goofem if you will

Bowel Movement: i think were constantly giving pearl and bismuth heart attacks, metaphorical ones anyways

Bowel Movement: also riding in blue’s hair loop is very nice and comfy

Bowel Movement: yes i am there right now

Bronchitis: shes chasing me down

Bronchitis: imagine a person running with those eye beams, thats her

Bologna: oh god amethyst is gonna die too

Bronchitis: maybe so

Bronchitis: oh stars shes catching up

Bronchitis: this is the last message before i die

Bologna: f to amethyst

Probably Fuckin Dead: I have my phone back

Probably Fuckin Dead: Also im not dead

Bologna: sometimes i can still hear her voice

_ Meanwhile in the meme chat _

Bazinga: bazinga

Bowel Movement: bazinga

Bologna: bazinga

Bulgaria: bazinga

Bronchitis: bazinga

Bazinga: bazinga

Bowel Movement: bazinga

Bologna: bazinga

Bulgaria: bazinga

Bronchitis: bazinga

Bazinga: bazinga

Bowel Movement: bazinga

Bologna: bazinga

Bulgaria: bazinga

Bronchitis: bazinga

Bazinga: bazinga

Bowel Movement: bazinga

Bologna: bazinga

Bulgaria: bazinga

Bronchitis: bazinga

Bronchitis: hey

Bronchitis: want to see something bad

Bronchitis: too bad

Bronchitis has posted an [image](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/660739493921423360/676584582132400128/Screenshot_20200211_002615.jpg)

Bologna: aUGH

Bowel Movement: AMETHYST

Bazinga: ALKDJSFSJDASLJALSJFAKLSJDF I AM A CHILD

Bulgaria: im going to slaughter you

Bologna: I HAE THIS A LOT PLEASE W H Y

Bronchitis: because

Bulgaria: amethyst im coming to murder you

Bulgaria: be ready to fucking die

Bronchitis: no please i already died once today

_ Back in the main chat _

Probably Fucking Dead: Why do I hear Steven screaming?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> big bang theory bad
> 
> also, i did not find the image, someone in the time travel au discord shared it and i had to put it in this chapter
> 
> also x2 im sorry. im going to bed now


End file.
